More Texts From Hell

(I’ve also chucked in some nice ones and some sad ones.)

I don’t reply to texts for a few reasons:

1) Most people who text don’t actually want to make a booking.

2) I like to sound people out on the phone by hearing their voice.

3) I have the oldest pay as you go Nokia phone in the world for my escorting (deliberate on my part so there’s no techy synching of data) and I have to pay for texts. So, seeing as most men who text have no intention of coming to see me, it’s not worth the time or expense to reply.

But as I still have to endure the darn things, I thought I’d take the liberty of using them for a bit of content. As usual, no filters.

I’m including the lack of punctuation/text speak/spelling mistakes.

God forbid you should think I’m illiterate!

Who no this

Hy can coming tomorrow morning for half hour I give you £50

Hy can coming tomorrow for half hour kiss your pussy , I very clean

What happens for half hour?


Hi may I ask if your married old, tomx

Good sniff for sale

High X

Your very sexy darling sad that your long way fr me Martin fr Devon X

Nice tits. You got nice pussy too?

Do you sell used condoms please?

Hi babe you look nice

Can I sniff your knickers? I’ll give you an extra tenner

Are you in Nottingham babe?


Can coming?

Hi. Can offer 30£ for licking your pussy. Outcall baby

Do you offer something without condom?

Good evening.

So what would ken barlow think about the Tory leadership contest?

Hi. Am I banned for good or am I allowed to call? Have been somewhere else and it was rubbish X

Thanks for at least talking to me you are right there are a lot of other girls out there but you are just so special nice caring and as a bonus so sexy and attractive no wonder I want you so much will you please please please agree to see me Saturday. X

(I still have the above text on my phone. I have good reason not to see this man anymore. The text below is from him also.)

Take that as a no life can be such a bitch took my wife and had to stand and watch could do nothing. By pure fate I picked you out of all the girls in Northampton and again I can do nothing ah well such is life best wishes. X

I left my scarf at yours. I looked online and your best deal for a PS2 would be eBay. I saw one going for £90 with 17 games.

Am I allowed to come tomorrow X

Sorry I messed u around did not mean two

What u up to?

Bun? Scumpo ce faci ?

Hi wot do you do and wer ru bast

Verrrrry Nice Xxxx

Looking for a discreet lady to visit me in Oundle?

Do you come to Oundle?

Hey, do you come to Oundle?

Yes I do. However, if you read my profile you would have seen I don’t reply to texts – so I guess you’ll never know! 😋